Emerald Fennell’s take on Emily Brontë is an emotionally hollow, bodice-ripping misfire that misuses Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi but makes the most of Martin Clunes

Emerald Fennell cranks up the campery as she reinvents Emily Brontë’s tale of Cathy and Heathcliff on the windswept Yorkshire moor as a 20-page fashion shoot of relentless silliness, with bodices ripped to shreds and a saucy slap of BDSM. Margot Robbie’s Cathy at one stage secretly heads off to the moor for a hilarious bit of self-pleasuring – although, sadly, there are no audaciously intercut scenes of thirst-trap Heathcliff, played by Jacob Elordi, simultaneously doing the same thing in the stable, while muttering gruffly in that Yerrrrrkshire accent of his.

This then is Fennell’s Wuthering Heights, or rather “Wuthering Heights”; the title archly appears in inverted commas, although the postmodern irony seems pointless. Cathy is a primped belle quivering in the presence of Heathcliff, who himself is a moody, long-haired, bearded outsider, as if Scarlett O’Hara were going to melt into the arms of Charles Manson. However, he does get substantially Darcyfied up later on, rocking a shorter and more winsome hairstyle, his gossamer-thin shirt never dry.

The same cabinet ministers who failed to speak up for the PM in the morning were soon offering their undying support

Not another one. On Sunday it was Morgan McSweeney, Keir Starmer’s chief of staff, who took one for the team by resigning over the Peter Mandelson appointment. On Monday, No 10’s head of communications, Tim Allan, did likewise without offering much by way of an explanation.

Presumably it was another effort to delay the inevitable. “We need a futile gesture, chaps.” No matter that most normal people won’t have heard of either of them. Let alone be able to identify them in a police lineup.

This year’s set of $8m TV spots gave us new looks at alien conspiracy thriller Disclosure Day, slasher sequel Scream 7 and an unlikely new David Fincher film

• Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl half-time show review – a thrilling ode to Boricua joy

With Super Bowl spots now up to a reported $8-10m, the market has grown a little less welcoming to Hollywood, an industry still not quite up to pre-pandemic numbers (the global box office for 2025 was down almost $10bn on 2019).

So while last night saw us assaulted with ads for beer and, depressingly, AI, there was a continued decrease in the number of major film ads, a harder spend to justify in this weakened climate. But the biggest of guns still came out, from Spielberg to Ghostface to the Minions …

You could do the weekly shop on your own, or you could turn it into the ultimate compatibility test by inviting a date along. And there’s always that flatpack furniture to assemble ...

Name: Choremancing.

Age: About four months.

A serious plan to tackle low birthrates could include addressing the fact that if people could afford to house themselves, they might be quicker to settle down

I almost never wonder how I’d feel if I were a 29-year-old French woman. I fear the question would lead to dissatisfactions too profound (would I be eating oysters right now? Would my socks be cashmere? Would I know what existentialism meant – no, I mean really know?). This morning, however, I did stop and give it some serious thought: specifically, how would I feel if my government wrote to me, reminding me to have children? To get that letter from childless Macron would be like getting told off about your BMI by a nurse whose BMI is definitely the same as yours, if not greater: on the one hand, it’s none of your business who has kids or what anyone’s BMI is. But on the other, how about we just all keep out of each other’s business? Luckily the letter is going to be sent out by the health ministry, and say what you like about ministries, you can’t criticise their lifestyle choices.

Before you get your panties in a twist, feminists, this letter will be sent to both men and women of the 29-year-old variety, and the government underscored that “fertility is a shared responsibility between women and men” – a statement that is both true and woke (yup, I’m reclaiming “woke” to mean “things I approve”).

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Budgets have been slashed, morale is through the floor and the company has been forced to find a second base in Manchester. But the new musical director is up for a challenge. We meet the man with the hardest job in music

André de Ridder is either brave or stupid. He has accepted the role as the music director of English National Opera – its chief conductor and keeper of its musical flame. He will take up the role formally in 2027. The post has been empty for several anguished years, sparked by Arts Council England’s 2022 announcement that the company would lose all its funding unless it moved out of London. Amid a fightback that, to cut a long story short, resulted in the company retaining a foothold in the London Coliseum, but partially moving to Manchester, De Ridder’s predecessor, Martyn Brabbins, abruptly quit in 2023, saying that the company was heading into “managed decline”. Brabbins’s predecessor, Mark Wigglesworth, had also resigned suddenly in 2016, saying ENO was evolving into “something I do not recognise”. It was beginning to sound like an opera plot. Bluebeard’s Castle, maybe. A murdered conductor behind every door in the mansion.

And yet: De Ridder’s enthusiasm is irrepressible. For some, it would be daunting to come into a company whose world-class orchestra and chorus have had their full-time contracts slashed to seven months of the year; from which the chief executive has just resigned; where morale (insiders tell me) is rock bottom. But the Berlin-raised 54-year-old sees only the opportunities. From his perspective, the shake-ups are in the past.

PM survives day of high tension after Scots Labour leader Anas Sarwar urges him to step down amid Peter Mandelson row

• UK politics live – latest updates

• How the Downing Street machine ensured Starmer survived to fight another day

• Exclusive: Top civil servant could become third key No 10 departure in days

Keir Starmer has seen off an immediate challenge to his position from Labour’s leader in Scotland, telling his MPs he was “not prepared to walk away” from power and plunge the country into chaos.

But the prime minister emerged badly damaged from a tumultuous 24 hours which brought his premiership to the brink, leaving his party united for now but fearful of what the coming days and weeks will bring.

Health secretary publishes messages as he seeks to draw line under his relationship with former peer

• UK politics live – latest updates

Wes Streeting predicted he would be “toast” at the next general election, according to private WhatsApp messages exchanged with Peter Mandelson and published by the health secretary in an effort to draw a line under his relationship with the disgraced peer.

In the messages, Streeting said the government lacked a growth strategy and questioned No 10’s communications operation – remarks that appeared to form part of an effort to position himself for a potential leadership contest.

Cap-busting tax hike will be embarrassing for the party, which has made low council tax a priority

Reform-led Worcestershire county council is likely to issue England’s largest council tax rise this April after it was given special permission by the government to increase it by up to 9%.

Worcestershire is one of a handful of authorities whose requests to be allowed to increase local rates above the standard 5% cap from April have been accepted by ministers.

Seamus Culleton has lived in US for two decades, married a citizen and runs a plastering business but faces deportation

• US politics live – latest updates

An Irish man has spent five months in US Immigration and Customs Enforcement detention and faces deportation despite having a valid work permit and no criminal record.

Seamus Culleton was a “model immigrant” who had become the victim of a capricious and inept system, said his lawyer, Ogor Winnie Okoye.